So…ready for #2?

Not sure if I am ready for this, I feel like my belly button just went back in from the last time! lol

Not sure if I am ready for this again, I feel like my belly button just went back in from the last time! lol

Ready for number 2? We all know what that means. People start asking that as soon as you pop the first one out and honestly after my baby girl I didn’t think I would ever be ready again. We talked about it for a whole year, how we were totally fine with having an only child. We weighed all the pros and cons and were set and happy with our decision. Originally we both wanted more but that was before the pregnancy and the breast feeding, and the all nighters which lead to terribly cranky mornings. But here we are, looking at new cars and pricing out the extra diapers.

I seriously never thought this day would come. I had the suspicion that all mothers at some point must forget everything they went through otherwise why would anybody ever have more than one kid but now I find that is not the case, at least not the case at this moment for me. I remember all of it, the morning sickness, the weight gain, heart burn, stretch marks, and no alcohol but I’m wanting to do it again none the less. I have never loved somebody so much.

My baby girl is a hand full and, at times, in the nicest possible way, an inconvenience but she is the most amazing thing I have ever been a part of. I am her mother and I am responsible for helping make her life everything she wants it to be but really she has been doing that for me. She forced me to put everything into perspective and to figure out what I really want and what is really important. Every day I love her more, I take 100 pictures a day, and everything she does is amazing. I get to see things anew through her and experience life again through her. I want to be better for her because she is everything to me. So why wouldn’t I want to have number 2 and let her have a partner in crime, let us take 200 pictures a day, and watch them grow up to be best friends?

What’s hard is I have found I can make a very persuasive argument either way. I really don’t know how I will feel when it actually happens, and I don’t think I will have any idea until it does. My daughter wasn’t planned, I definitely didn’t think I was ready for a baby or a serious relationship but here we are, we are a family and wouldn’t have it any other way. It turned out to be absolutely perfect timing, or maybe having a baby just forces you to find the path in life that makes it perfect timing. So I guess, my answer to “are you ready for number two?” is no, I’m not, but I can’t imagine a better time.

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The First Post

Okay, so I have been thinking about doing this for awhile, starting a blog, but who has the time right. I’m 27 years old, I am engaged to my daughter’s father, he’s 24, and my daughter is almost 17 months old. The pregnancy was very surprising and very unplanned but we’ll get to that later. Right now I am just going to tell you about why I am starting a blog.

My pregnancy was hard for many reasons, extreme morning sickness until about 18 weeks being one of them, but the hardest was keeping, or rather, finding myself throughout those 9 months. Of course, I had all the “normal” new parent anxieties and questions which I calmed by reading/Googling/watching everything about pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, and the first year. With knowledge comes calm for me, the more I knew the more I felt in control. So I knew everything about the little peanut growing inside of me but I somehow lost myself, I didn’t know myself. Then I started thinking whether I really even did before my pregnancy.

Who was I before? I had quite smoking on New Year’s, so a few months prior to my pregnancy and I had eased up on partying and was actually working out 5-6 days a week, so I was in good shape…huh, maybe that’s why my body decided that was the time. Anyway, I had kept myself busy those months prior, being healthy but that was very unlike the me of the prior decade.

I grew up in the South Florida party scene. I had an older boyfriend and older friends. I was impulsive and ended up blowing off a full scholarship to university in order to go model in Milan, Italy, which I did. I then came back, waited tables at various restaurants, and then took off to teach English in Phuket, Thailand for a few months. That was followed by a short stay in Brussels, Belgium modeling and then back home.

Having the desire to travel but never having the funds to do so really opened my eyes to the other options that are out there, so I became a flight attendant for a charter airline and was incredibly lucky to have the opportunity to travel the world for a year and a half, before I changed my mind again.

This goes on for, like I said, a whole decade. Let’s see…I was also a bank teller, a gym manager, a Starbucks Barista, a telemarketer, a cocktail waitress at a gentleman’s club, a summer secretary at a high school, I did emergency room registration and insurance verification in a trauma center, hourly house cleaning, hmmm a bartender, a hostess,  oh and modeled in Europe and Miami and I think that about covers everything. The point is I really didn’t have any idea what I wanted to do and pretty much just partied around the world…most of those jobs were really just funded partying.

So back to the year of growing my peanut. I had decided to straighten out and go back to school, yep that’s how I ended up with a 24 year old fiancé 😉 I figured while I was there I might as well get the full college experience which included dating a douche bag and playing beer pong, a lot. Don’t worry he knows I call him a douche bag, back then he really was! Remind me to tell you about the ridiculously awesome man and father that douche bag has turned into, it’s really something!

Fast forward through the college drama to our unexpected pregnancy and weeks of bedrest…I was a mess. I was questioning our relationship of course, I’m sure that happens with a lot of unplanned pregnancies. I was alone in bed, missing classes, losing weight, freaking out about what I was going to do next, then I realized I had no idea what I was going to do next. I mean I guess I really had no idea even before the pregnancy, I was just doing what I thought I needed to do to “straighten out” but I had put no thought into what that really meant. Then I realized that if I was going to raise this litte munchkin, whether it be with him or by myself, I needed to get my shit together, actually together.

So getting my shit together, that’s what this blog is about. It’s how I went from party girl to baby girl and found myself somewhere along the way and the continued struggle with the balance between being a mom and finding time for being me. Typing it out and sharing helps me figure it out and helps keep me sane 😉